Father of the Groom Speech: What to Say, 3 Examples, and When You Speak
Traditionally you speak at the rehearsal dinner, not the reception. Either way, the job is the same: one memory, one welcome, one toast.
See the complete wedding speech desk: examples, tools, timing, and printables.When the father of the groom speaks
In the traditional running order, the bride's father hosts and speaks at the reception, and the groom's parents host and speak at the rehearsal dinner. That gives the father of the groom the easier room: smaller, warmer, the night before, no microphone anxiety. If the couple asks you to speak at the reception instead, or as well, you usually go after the bride's parents and before the best man, and you keep it short, because the room has already heard a welcome.
Either way, the speech has the same three ingredients. One memory of your son that shows a habit he still has. One specific welcome to his partner, said with their name and, if they are present, to their parents. One toast. The rehearsal dinner version adds a short welcome to the guests at the top and a nod to tomorrow at the end.
The structure
Four parts at the rehearsal dinner, three at the reception. Two to four minutes total.
- 1Welcome (if hosting), 30 seconds. Greet the guests, thank the partner's parents by name, mention who travelled.
- 2One memory, 60 to 90 seconds. A moment from his teens or twenties, not his infancy, that shows who he is. Place, what happened, what he did, what it cost him.
- 3The partner, 45 seconds. When you first saw the same habit in them, or the moment you knew. Their name in the first sentence. 'Welcome' said out loud.
- 4The toast, 15 seconds. Both names, one wish that repeats the habit. At the rehearsal dinner, a nod to tomorrow.
Example 1: Rehearsal dinner host
“Good evening. I'm Frank, Connor's dad, and on behalf of Maureen and me, welcome to the rehearsal dinner. To Isabel's parents, Carlos and Ana, and everyone who has travelled: thank you. You are the reason we ordered too much food, and we regret nothing.
I'm going to tell you about the day Connor got fired from the family business. He was sixteen. The business was a car wash, and I was the boss, and he was three hours late because he'd stopped to help a man push a broken-down van to a garage. I fired him on principle. He went and got a job at the garage. Within a month they'd given him a raise, and within a year the man with the van was his manager.
I've told that story as a joke on myself for years. It isn't really. It's the story of a boy who always chose the person in front of him over the plan, and who was right to.
Isabel, you were the person in front of him at a bus stop in the rain in 2019, and he gave you his umbrella and walked home wet. He told us about you that night. He said, 'I think I've met someone who'd have given me hers.' Watching you two since, I know he was right about that too.
Tomorrow you'll be married. Tonight you're just two people we love, sitting at a table we set for you. Please raise your glasses. To Connor and Isabel: may you always choose each other over the plan.”
Example 2: Reception speech
“I'm David, Aaron's dad. Jenna's parents have already said everything true and kind, so I'll keep to what only I know.
Aaron was a quiet boy. Not shy. Quiet. He watched things. When he was ten I took him fishing and we sat for four hours and caught nothing, and on the way home he said, 'That was good.' I thought he was being polite. He wasn't. He'd been watching a heron the whole time and hadn't wanted to spoil it by mentioning it.
He's still that person. He notices the heron and lets you find it yourself. It's why his friends call him first when something goes wrong; he'll sit with you for four hours and not make it about the fish.
Jenna, the first time you came to the house, you and Aaron sat on the back step for an hour after dinner without talking, and I thought, well, that's it then. Anyone who can sit quietly with my son has found the real him. Since then I've heard you both laughing through the wall more than I've heard anything in that house for years.
Please raise your glasses. To Aaron and Jenna: may you always be happy to sit quietly, and never need to.”
Example 3: Short
“I'm George, Finn's father. One thing, and then the toast.
When Finn was nineteen he told me he'd met someone at university who 'made him feel like the best version of himself was the normal one.' I wrote that down, because I'd never heard him say anything like it. That was Yusuf. Eight years later, I've seen it every day.
Yusuf, welcome to the family. Finn, well done. Everyone: to Finn and Yusuf. May the best version always be the normal one.”
Why these work
Frank's car wash story is a father's story: he is the boss who fired him, and the joke is on himself. That self-deprecation buys him the right to say something sincere two sentences later. The umbrella at the bus stop is the partner's entry, and it rhymes with the van without anyone saying so. The toast repeats 'the plan.'
David's speech opens by ceding ground to the other parents ('everything true and kind') and then claims the one thing only he knows, which is the right move for a reception speech that comes third. The heron is a small, strange, real detail, and the back step is the partner moment. George's speech is under a hundred words and works because it is built on a single quoted sentence from the groom himself.
What to avoid
Fathers of the groom tend to under-prepare, on the theory that the speech is short and the room is friendly. Both true. These are the ways it still goes wrong.
- The baby years and the sports scores. Start at an age when he made a choice.
- 'Now you're her problem.' The joke is fifty years old and the partner's parents have heard it.
- Comparing the partner to anyone: previous partners, the groom's mother, your own marriage.
- Advice from your own marriage. One sentence of it can be lovely; a paragraph is a lecture.
- Thanking vendors, the bridal party, or the venue. That is the couple's job.
- Anything you have not said out loud once before the day. Fathers who wing it run long.
Practical notes: the microphone, the toast, the timing
A few things that are easy to get wrong in the room and easy to fix beforehand.
- Ask the couple which night they want you to speak and how long. 'Two minutes' from them means two minutes.
- At the rehearsal dinner, speak before the food goes cold, not after. Early in the evening, standing at your table, is right.
- Say the partner's parents' names. Check the pronunciation with the couple and write it phonetically on your card.
- Hold the glass in your non-dominant hand from the start of the toast so you are not hunting for it at the end.
- Print the speech in large type. Do not read it from your phone; the screen will lock and the room will wait.
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FAQ
Does the father of the groom give a speech at the wedding?
Traditionally at the rehearsal dinner, which the groom's parents host, rather than at the reception. Many couples now ask him to speak at the reception too, usually after the bride's parents. Ask the couple which they want; the structure above works for both.
How long should a father of the groom speech be?
Two to four minutes at the rehearsal dinner, under three at the reception. About 260 to 520 words. George's example above is under a minute and does the whole job; Frank's is about three minutes with the welcome and the thanks included.
What should the father of the groom say about the bride or partner?
One specific moment: when you first saw the same habit in them that you see in your son, or the moment you knew. Say their name first, then the moment, then 'welcome' out loud. Skip general praise and any comparison to anyone else.
Should the father of the groom thank the bride's parents?
Yes, by name, especially if they are hosting the reception. At the rehearsal dinner you are the host, so the thanks are to them for coming and for the day to come. Keep it to one sentence and make sure you can pronounce the names.
Can the father of the groom and mother of the groom speak together?
Yes, under four minutes combined. One of you welcomes the guests and thanks the other family; the other tells the memory and welcomes the partner; you share the toast. Agree in advance who tells which story so you do not both tell the car wash.
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